


Lights On

by jazzypizzaz



Category: Glee
Genre: Blangst, Dubious Consent, Episode Related, F/M, First Time, Gen, M/M, References to Childhood Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 22:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzypizzaz/pseuds/jazzypizzaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reaction fic to 4x20 Lights Off.  No spoilers past that episode.</p><p>Sam, Artie, and Blaine reflect back to how their first sexual experiences shape their reactions to Ryder's story in the choir room.  Sam relives his strip club days.  Artie thinks about his body and how girls react to it.  Blaine relives a confusing memory that he thinks is totally not the same as Ryder's experience.</p><p>Each chapter can be read as a one-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. White Chocolate brings sexy back

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Teenage boys being assholes about a sensitive situation. Teenage boys being more sex-focused than strictly necessary. Mentions of childhood sexual assault (same amount of detail as canon). 
> 
> In this chapter: allusions to sex but nothing explicit.

_“She walked in on me in the shower and she... touched me a bit..”  Ryder says softly, not making direct eye contact.  The candles flash shadows across his face at long angles._

_Oh man that totally sucks.  Sam has had too many experiences with dudes randomly walking in on him in the shower, but it’s cool because they’re probably just jealous of his rockin’ bod.  Or admiring it like Kurt, which, was rather flattering.  No dude ever lingered or stepped into the shower with him, that’d be weird.  Then again, he had totally gotten off last night to a porno where a bunch of chicks invaded the men’s locker room, so if it was a girl...  Which, hold up, what did Ryder say?_

_“..wait hold on did you just say she?”  Sam says incredulously. “Like as in a girl, a teenage girl?_

 

Fact: teenage boys wanted girls to touch their junk.  Fact: most of high school’s popularity games were directly correlated to trying to attract girls.  Fact: girls were complicated as hell, so if you can skip past all the confusing parts, because they approach you about wanting sex?  Then, hell yeah you take that offer and be grateful!  Sam was lucky that he understood how Brittany worked (well... better than anyone else at McKinley anyway).  Soulmates were awesome like that.

 

Before Brittany, however, Sam had had plenty of experiences with waiting for girls-- to make up their minds, to choose him, to want him.  A girl approaching him in the shower willing to take the mystery of sex away would have helped him skip the heartache of chasing girls that didn’t really want to be with him.  

 

Dating Quinn had meant cold showers and thinking of Coach Beiste in a tutu.  To her sex meant accidental babies and losing your first love and becoming the school joke.  It meant betraying both Jesus and her sense of self.  

 

It was totally chill, he was a gentleman, and he didn’t mind waiting for her.  He knew that sex between them would be safe and respectful and intimate, if she would only give him a chance. He was also sharply aware that she had been hesitant to date him in the beginning, and as their relationship progressed Quinn was in a constant state of detaching herself from him both physically and emotionally.  Quinn didn’t want sex, but she was incredible and brave, and he was busy enough trying to engage with her distant but amazing green eyes anyway.  He had waited for her to trust him, and he had waited for her to kiss him, and he could wait forever for her to feel ready for sex.  It was Quinn, and he was lucky to be with her.

 

Except she had never really wanted to be with him at all, she had wanted Finn.

 

(Santana had been just using him; that brief fling was only worth mentioning so far as it showed how he was always second-rate to the girls he dated.)

 

Wooing Mercedes had gone much the same way in regards to sex.  Sam had admired how she knew exactly what she wanted, and he loved when he could be the one to give it to her.  She wanted a hot date to prom; she wanted a boy to tell her she was beautiful; she wanted a slow dance full of romance; she wanted a fun, secret summer fling.  Sam took pride in being the one to fulfill her desires, especially with how she seemed delightfully surprised every time at his willingness to acquiesce.  

 

Mercedes had strong opinions about what she did and didn’t want--and she didn’t want sex-- but she also had a strong moral center, and she didn’t play games.  Sam wanted to be what she wanted, and he was willing to wait to fulfill any future desires of hers for when she was ready.

 

It mattered most what Mercedes wanted, because what Sam wanted was to wait for her to want him.

 

But then his dad got a job in Kentucky over the summer, and they moved, which killed that romance.  (Sure, later on in the following school year he would try to get her back, but by the time she left Shane, her true desire was stardom not Sam.)

 

Anyway, after the move Sam picked up shifts at Dairy Queen, but he knew he wouldn’t have the money to travel to Ohio for a long time.  Which was cool, his first priority was doing whatever it took to help his family-- they were in this together and he wanted to pull his weight.  The real problem was that the long hours after school barely pulled in enough money to help with rent let alone make a dent in his parents’ credit card bills.

 

A solution-- both to his family’s finances and his romantic failures-- appeared when one night he was walking the two miles back home from Dairy Queen, dancing and singing along to Justin Timberlake on Finn’s old CD player to keep himself awake.  Sure, he was never the best at keeping up with New Directions choreography, but never let it be said that Sam Evans couldn’t rock a beat.

 

“I’m bringin’ sexy back!  Them other boys don’t know how to act...”  Sam bopped his head to the beat and spun around.  He landed unevenly with one foot on the street and the other on the sidewalk, stumbling a bit and just barely regaining his balance.

 

“Hey there hot shot!”  Sam heard a female voice call.  Intrigued, Sam stopped and squinted before he realized there was the silhouette of a woman in the back of shadowed alley of the strip club he had been walking past.  He stopped abruptly, wondering how much she had seen of his dance skills.

 

The figure came closer, until he could mostly make out her face.  She smiled and blew smoke of to the side coyly. “With moves like that and your sweet virgin face, you could make a killin’ on Soccer Mom Saturdays, ya know.”

 

“What like stripping?  For money?  Like how much, more than 7 dollars an hour?”

 

“Eager one, aren’t ya?”  Smirking, she stepped out of the shadows for the first time to reach out and squeeze his bicep playfully.  Sam drew a quick breath and pinked slightly after realizing that she wasn’t wearing much more than glitter and sparkles and layers of makeup.

 

She laughed good-naturedly.  “Oh honey, you are a virgin, aren’t you?  You’re such a cutie, you musta broken a few hearts.”

 

Sam shrugged.  “Yeah, I don’t know girls are hard to figure out.  They want what they want, but apparently not me.”

 

She raised her eyebrow and pulled another drag on her cigarette. “Tsk, tsk, a cute face and a body like that can only get you so far ya know.”

 

“Yeah, totally!  I’m like a stud at romancing.  I mean, I can’t pay for dates anymore, but it’s about it coming from the heart and all that right?  A million romantic comedies can’t be wrong.”

 

“Oh sugar, I’m not talkin’ about love here, I’m talkin’ about sex.”  She paused with a thoughtful look in her eye.  “Well, sex appeal.  You still interested in makin’ money here, blondie?”

 

Sam nodded enthusiastically.  “If it’s more than I can make at Dairy Queen, then hell yeah.  I’m a performer, I know how to put on a show.”

 

“Oh do you now?  To make the big bucks you’ll need to know how to please a woman, how to move and roll so she’s panting and begging for more.”  She stepped further into his space as she said this, stroking his bicep and purring into his ear, “you gotta know how to make a women want you.”  

 

He knew the way girls flirted, and he had been flirted with like this before.

 

“What and you know how to?”  He said quietly, doing his best to sound gentle and unassuming.

 

She looked surprised at his insinuation, stepped back, and smiled shyly as she stubbed out her cigarette on her stiletto, bending so that her cleavage in the bikini top left little to the imagination.

 

“Tell you what, honey, you’re sweet, and I could use a guy friend around here who gets it.  I can introduce you to the manager right now and to a friend who loves a good set of abs.  She can teach you what you need to know before your shift on Saturday, if ya know what I mean.  Don’t worry, she’s almost as pretty as I am.”  

 

She gestured towards her bare bedazzled body, winked at Sam’s dumbfounded face, then continued in a quieter, more sincere tone:  “In return, just... be my friend.  Lord knows I could use a nice polite man around to bring to dinner at my parents’ next week... and tell me what you know about romancin’ women.”

 

Sam nodded carefully and took her hand as she led him into the club.  It was the beginning of steamy nights, a beautiful friendship, and an awesome cash flow.

 

Fact: It had not a romance.  Fact: His “relationship” with her abs-appreciating friend had also not been a romance.  Fact: Sam had never felt so desirable.  

 

He loved it.  

 

All those older ladies tucking bills in his red shorts and swooning at his muscled torso were an adrenaline rush better than performing and romance combined.  The sex behind the scenes was incidental... but not unappreciated.  Sure, once Finn and Rachel recruited him back-- and he saw Mercedes again for the first time-- life at the strip club had seemed a bit empty... but it had been a dream come true at the time.

 

_It wasn’t the most romantic circumstance, but when an older hot chick offers you sex, you go with it and don’t second guess your good luck._

 

_“Dude you’re like 11 and a hot 18 year old plays with your junk I would have killed for that!”  Sam says, incredulously.  That could have been Ryder’s very own strip club experience!  He wouldn’t have had to enter high school with no game and no idea what got girls all heated up.  He could have been a stud like Sam was now from the very beginning!_

 

_Ryder stares at him, hurt and unbelieving._


	2. Gangsta robot gets the girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Teenage boys being assholes about a sensitive situation. Teenage boys being more sex-focused than strictly necessary. Mentions of childhood sexual assault (same amount of detail as canon). Allusions to sex but nothing too explicit.

_“Why are you ashamed of that?”  Artie pipes in.  Clearly this kid doesn’t know what was up with what.  Ain’t no use being ashamed of chicks diggin’ your body.  All this talk about sexy showers and junk touching was making Artie tingle down there.  A little._

_**** _

_It had been too long since Mr. Schu’s not-wedding, and Artie could use some junk action himself.  No way he would turn that down._

_**** _

_“It kinda messed me up a bit, I have trouble trusting girls because of it.”  Bullshit, Artie had trouble trusting girls, because they didn’t play with his junk enough._

****

Artie had grown up with other people talking about his body constantly, but never in that sexy locker room talk way.  

****

His mother and father would discuss his body in their bedroom when they thought he was asleep.  They would whisper about effects different treatments could have, fight about how to accommodate what he wouldn’t be able to do as he grew older, and parroted the doctor’s dry clinical terms.  They discussed him as if his body had only vaguely to do with him and was not part of his person at all.

****

He would wheel down the back ramp, climb out of his chair, and lie in the grass outside his parents’ window, watching the vast night sky above him.  He would lay there,  imagining he was bodiless and that his consciousness had dissipated into the universe.  (The Boy Without a Body was a great premise for an artsy flick, maybe he could recreate this moment on film one day.)

****

To the opposite effect, his teachers in elementary school would conflate his body with his person, asking him if he needed help through the halls in slow, patronizing drawls, as if his brain were as paralyzed as his legs.  Sometimes they would ask other students to push him down the hall to the next class.  They rarely addressed him directly, and that was much worse than condescension because hello his arms still work and his ears could hear and he was sitting right there.  

****

Unfortunately, his childhood self hadn’t yet mastered snarky responses to proclaim his personhood.  Instead, when he got to middle school he began turn every school assignment into a film-making opportunity, using camera tricks and careful editing to showcase himself rapping his book reports with no wheelchair in sight, distancing his person from his disability.  With the lighting and the clever quick lyrics and cinematography, they were masterpieces highlighting the power of his movie-maker genius.  Teachers caught on to his unapologetic intelligence, and it achieved exactly what he wanted.  

****

Except that it felt like lying.

****

Going into high school, his weird, overachieving interpretations of school assignments made him at once an infamous freak and a champion among geeks.  Jocks gave him weird looks while AV, jazz, and tech clubs worshipped him.  Artie loved it.  

****

Fellow students weren’t perfect of course.  Sometimes they forgot about his body while making plans (no I really don’t want to go to the theme park), and sometimes they took it too much into account (how can you dance in a chair?), but overall Artie learned how to beat down the haters with his trademark cool dignified snark.  He reasoned that if everyone thought Stephen Hawking was hella dope, both because of and in spite of his paralysis, then Artie could proclaim his nerdy gangsta swagger just the same.  The popularity game of high school meant he’d never be prom king, but he was the dopest rapper in Glee Club and outside of that he was King of the Nerds (if you’re gonna be a geek, you best be the top dawg), so life was great.

****

Life was great except that other people still talked about his body behind his back.  And by other people, Artie meant girls.  Of course, girls in his social circles were either unattainable cheerleaders or overbearing divas (Rachel, Mercedes... Lauren Zizes from AV Club in her own brutal way), so it wasn’t like they’d be into him regardless...

****

And then there was Tina.  Tina, who knew what it was like to be outcast and ignored because of a disability.  Tina, who had a killer voice; who was beautiful and sexy, even if she didn’t always realize it.  Tina, who wore her severe Gothic style just like Artie hyped up his own gangsta coolness.

****

Except that Tina had faked her stutter.  Except that Tina really didn’t get what having a disability was like at all.  

****

The summer after sophomore year, Artie assumed they were getting serious.  They had been together for months!  She loved video games just like him!  Their voices sounded awesome together! With this in mind, one night Artie invited Tina over for one of their regular hangouts, emphasizing to her that his parents were gone for the evening.  This was their chance for makeouts!  All Artie really wanted was for a kiss that lasted longer than five seconds... and maybe second base if the night went well.  

****

It had been so hot in the house and while they were trying to beat levels on Crash Bandicoot (Tina’s favorite), Tina had chosen to sit on his lap the whole time.  Like, all the way back in his lap, which he had definitely mentioned to her was 50/50 for sensation.  She was wiggling trying to jump over the cliff, and this was totally foreplay right?  Suddenly second base seemed like a conservative expectation instead of a pipe dream, and shit! he had a boner he knew it and Tina was going to feel it and maybe she just really did think wiggling would help her jump the cliff?... or maybe she’d grind down harder and ride him and wait! no stop fantasizing think of your Grandma, quick!

****

...and nothing.  No real reaction.  She gave him a small surprised smile, like she thought it was silly but unremarkable.  She scooted to the edge of his lap, kissed his cheek like an endearing child, and they went back to playing video games like nothing happened.  After that, he kept trying to brush it off, but the more he thought about it the more it bugged him that maybe it had never occurred to her that his body was sexual like any guy’s.  

****

He was not neutered. He was a teenaged boy like any other with needs, yo.

****

So he sank into a moody depression and she never asked him why he acting like such an asshole, and he never told her, and soon after she got distracted by Mike’s smooth-moving, fully functional body and left him.

****

He had once overheard his dad mention, in strained resentment, how his grandmother was disappointed she would probably never have great-grandchildren.  This had stuck in the repressed recesses of his mind until after Tina it finally occurred to him what that meant.  And he had wondered if it was true.  He wondered if all girls at school assumed it was true.

****

Then Brittany S. Pierce, hot blonde cheerleader, wanted to duet with him.  Then Brittany S. Pierce, with the rockin’ hot body, wanted to do it with him.  And she did.

****

It was incredible.  It was everything he ever wanted.  Well... except for when she called him Ash or David or Daryl (or Data or Hal or Wall-E)... or asked him about his wiring... or how his robot parts worked down there (you know, in his “basement”).  But other than that, she was a sexy leggy blonde with killer dance moves (with killer sex moves) and she rode his body and moaned in delightful ways.  She never assumed he couldn’t do something or that he didn’t want sex like every other guy, and she taught him how his tongue was useful for more than kissing...

****

So what if he felt weird and alone and confused the next day?  So what if Santana told him he had been used to win a Breadstix dinner?  So what if Brittany worshipped his body as a cyborg sex machine and not like... well, a _body_?  

****

He had regretted it at first, but then he came to his senses.  He eventually realized that she wanted _him_.  His brain, his swagger, his body-- cyborg were still part human.  It had taken him so long to find a girl who would look at him as a sexual being, and sure sex was confusing and overwhelming at first, but if you’re a good-looking guy like Ryder and a hot chick digs that even before you grow into a ripped, broad-shouldered sixteen-year-old with killer, toned guns?

****

(So Artie jerked off to guys sometimes, so what?)

****

Well then... if a hot chick thinks that your body is sexy then you be grateful and you hit that.

****

_“Good job” Artie says, high-fiving Ryder, “Boy’s clearly got superior game.”_

 


	3. Blangst and Blue-eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Teenage boys being assholes about a sensitive situation. Teenage boys being more sex-focused than strictly necessary. Mentions of childhood sexual assault (same amount of detail as canon). An explicit makeout scene (clothes on), underage sexual contact, underage drinking, dubious consent, short flashback to violent assault, panic, shameful feelings.

_“I’m sorry but why is that a crime, it’s like every teenage boy’s fantasy, there’s like fifty 80’s movies about that...”  Sam goes on._

_**** _

_“We get it Sam--” Will starts with exasperation._

_**** _

_“Guys this is so uncool!”_

_**** _

_“His truth is his truth!”_

_**** _

_Blaine stays as still as possible, and hopes the girls’ opinions are enough to end the argument.  He hopes no one asks him to chime in._

****

Blaine’s first sexual experience had also been when a trusted babysitter was supposed to be looking out for him, but it had been nothing like Ryder’s so his story was totally irrelevant.

Cooper had returned home the summer after Blaine’s eighth grade year, because he had dropped out of college.  In punishment for not telling them for two whole semesters, blowing all the tuition money on hardcore partying in a supposed attempt to “network”, and utterly failing to hold a job of any persuasion, the Anderson parents made Cooper return to Ohio  to look after Blaine for the summer.  Well... they didn’t so much make him come back as promised him support money next fall if he took care of Blaine so that they could continue with their eighty hour weeks.

****

Not that Blaine needed a babysitter.  He was almost fifteen.  He should have been earning pocket money to watch other people’s kids.

****

But, parents were parents, and to tell the truth Blaine didn’t feel safe running errands around town where he might run into _those_ guys.  He didn’t feel safe lying awake in the house alone at night remembering blood and helplessness and fear.  Not that he could admit that to their sympathetic faces-- it would just make them feel more guilty than they already did and they didn’t have time for that with their jet-setting schedules-- but he did tell his therapist, who graciously framed it as her idea when she told his parents that Blaine shouldn’t be left alone for too long at a time.

****

In any case, while Cooper was not a born caretaker nor particularly observant (he’d have to care about someone other than himself for that), he did manage to be the extra body around that Blaine needed (so tall!) and he bought food (ramen and frozen pizza and pickles mostly) when Blaine forgot to eat.

****

And so, it was during a steamy summer evening when Cooper decided to take advantage of their parents’ absence to drag Blaine along to a college party in Columbus.  Despite that Blaine had planned to spend all night arranging cheesy acapella pop songs (he really wanted to wow the Warblers next year), he sure as hell didn’t want to be left alone in the dark house with the memories of last March’s terror in the echoing empty rooms.  Sure, Cooper irritated him ( _Katy Perry’s songs don’t perfectly suit your tenor voice, squirt_ and _Are those dance moves really the dance moves you’re planning to open with?_ and _That smile isn’t charming enough, here let’s practice in the mirror._ )... but his incessant rambling and self-indulgent commentary at least didn’t leave room in Blaine’s mind for dark introspection.

****

Plus, Blaine desperately wanted a new memory to accompany being gay in Ohio, and Cooper had promised hot gay guys to oogle:

****

“Sorority chicks love actors, they’ll be so impressed with my LA coolness.”  Cooper paused and added as an afterthought, “and you have that innocent school boy charm, which might work for you too.”

****

Blaine gave him a petulant, unimpressed stare.

****

“It’s at a musical theater major’s house-- there’ll be hot guys too!”  Cooper said quickly. “C’mon squirt you can have the honor of being my wingman and learn smooth moves from the master!”

****

With a shrug and a mumble, Blaine muttered “Okay”, his face heating up at the thought of tall, lean college men checking him out.  Dalton was supposed to have no tolerance for bullying, but that didn’t mean there would be any gay guys there.

****

Once they arrived, Cooper, always one to make a memorable impression, announced to everyone he met, “Hey!  I’m Cooper Anderson, rising star actor from LA.  You may recognize me as handsome guy #4 in that one movie...” before flashing a toothy gleaming smile and continuing to ramble about the rich inner workings of his character.  

****

Distracted by Cooper’s bombastic posturing, no one paid Blaine any attention, except for the occasional quizzical look to Cooper as if to say why the hell is this kid here?  To which Cooper would answer: “Hey!  This is my baby brother Blainey!  He’s gay as a fruitcake!  Look at that adorable munchkin face, say hi squirt!” and would pinch his cheeks and pat his back before explaining to the girl of the moment about how as an experienced actor Cooper knew seventeen different ways to kiss.  Blaine cringed in embarrassment, but everyone else was too enthralled at being in the presence of a minor celebrity (a lie-- Cooper had never gotten any of the parts he talked about) to pay Blaine any mind.

****

Four hours later, Blaine was sitting primly on a grimy couch next to Cooper who was necking a tanned brunette with a high ponytail and long exposed neck.  She kept growling at him in a way Cooper apparently found cute, but Blaine thought was tacky and irritating.  His carefully tied red silk bowtie was drooping in the staid, sweaty heat; his ears were pounding from the loud music; his mouth was burning from the punch; and most of all he was feeling out of place, like a dumb, naive kid surrounded by the bizarre mating rituals of attractive straight adults.

****

A warm hand clamped down on his shoulder, breaking him from his stewing resentment of Cooper for dragging him out here.  “Hey sweet thing, want to find some place quiet?”

****

Blaine looked up in surprise into an open pale face towering over him with the largest blue eyes he had ever seen and the kind of stubble you find on someone well over the age of fourteen-almost-fifteen.  Blaine nodded enthusiastically, pushed off the couch too quickly, and toppled into Mr. Tall, Pale, and Beautiful, who graciously looped an arm around his waist.  

****

“Whoa there buddy, c’mon I’ll help you.”  The ground was not as steady as it used to be, and the world was spinning a bit, and Blaine was appropriately grateful for the handsome man’s help.  The man laughed gently, and Blaine thought it sounded like angels.   

****

Blue-eyes led him to a quiet small room upstairs, where Blaine clumsily sat onto his bed.

****

“Thank you so much, that punch was really strong and this party is confusing, and I’ve never been drunk before, but I do know you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen...”  Blaine beamed upwards at the guy thankfully.  His head was full of good feelings now and wow!  Parties were awesome!  College was awesome!

****

Blue-eyes watched him in amusement while he babbled drunkenly, then touched his bowtie and murmured delightedly “God, you are so adorable.  I don’t remember seeing you around the college campus...”  He gripped Blaine’s face firmly with his hands, bending Blaine’s head back.

****

“Thank you, actually I’m only--”

****

“Shhh, enough talking now,” and he lowered down to meet Blaine’s mouth with his own.

****

After a moment of surprise--was this really happening? a hot guy was kissing him??-- Blaine kissed back eagerly and sloppily.  He had to make this good enough for Blue-Eyes, who was so mature and probably quite experienced, judging by the way he worked his tongue inside Blaine’s mouth.  

****

All at once Blaine’s senses were overwhelmed by the smell of cologne, and the pulsing warmth of the guy’s body, and blood rushing in his ears, and his mouth was entirely filled with the guy’s probing tongue so he could hardly breathe enough.  He couldn’t move and his whole body was on fire and his heart started pounding so fast surely Blue-eyes could feel it and his skin was buzzing and electric.  Wow!  Kissing was awesome!  Everyone should be kissing all the time!  Blaine hoped the kissing would never end.  Blue-eyes pushed him back onto the bed, leaning his bodyweight onto Blaine’s chest, still gripping his face, and pinning Blaine’s shoulders with his arms, so that Blaine was completely covered by the guy’s warm firm body pressing him into the bed.

****

\-- _blood and helplessness and fear, pinned to the ground with Jason punching his stomach after the dance_ \--

****

His tensed up, panicking.  He couldn’t think straight--there was too much blood in his body and not enough in his head-- and he needed air, he needed space to breathe, but his cock was hard, so hard, aching hard, and wanting, and he didn’t want Blue-eyes to think he wasn’t grateful for this opportunity, but he couldn’t move, and his head was muddy and buzzing and--

****

then Blue-eyes removed his hand from Blaine’s face and began groping roughly at the front of Blaine’s jeans and _oh hell yes_ that was the friction he needed that was what he should concentrating on and any lingering reservations or distracting flashbacks danced out the window--

****

KNOCK!  KNOCK!

****

“Hey squirt!  It’s time to go!  Get down here or I’m leaving you.  I need my beauty sleep.” (Translation-- the girl got bored, and he struck out.)

****

The guy lifted off of him in surprise at the sound, and Blaine shook his head like he had come up for air after a spell underwater and, suddenly feeling quite strange laying in this room with a complete stranger, scurried off the bed, wiped his mouth, and stammering “Sorry! sorry!  God you’re so hot, I’m so sorry, I have to go!” as he staggered out of the room.

****

Out at the car, Cooper took one look at his flushed red face, and slick hair pushed up roughly in the back, and said “Hey there stud!  Looks like one of us got lucky tonight.  Good job little man!” and ruffled Blaine’s hair fondly.

****

It was a long ride home, with Cooper singing loudly to the radio, oblivious to how Blaine could still feel the guy’s hands on his face and tongue in his mouth.  His heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and he felt like he wanted to disappear into the seat, and his balls ached.  

****

Was this a good thing?  Is this how it always felt?  Why did he feel so small?

****

It was exactly what he had wanted, going to the party and following the guy...

****

Blaine took a long, hot shower that morning, but before crashing into sleep he could still feel the pressure of the guy’s hands on his pants, and his skin still felt raw and exposed.  He slept fitfully, dreaming of being trapped in a bed made entirely of hands, and Cooper sitting on his chest laughing at him.

****

A year later when he met Kurt that fateful afternoon, Kurt had told him guys were bullying him, and Blaine could relate.  The next day, Kurt had told him what Karofsky had done, and Blaine felt sick at the thought-- _a world spinning and hands holding him in place_ \-- but no his experience wasn’t the same at all.

****

Kurt hadn’t wanted Karofsky to kiss him.

****

Ryder hadn’t wanted what the girl had done to him either.

****

Blaine, however, had been a full participant in the event.  He had been attracted to the guy, he followed the guy to the room hoping he could kiss him, and his cock had been hard with want.  He had been a full participant in his foray with Eli C, too.

****

(He had never known Blue-eye's name, what was his name?)  

****

Blaine didn’t share Ryder’s story, not by a long shot.  He had been almost fifteen (almost), not eleven like Ryder, and it was with a guy not a teenage girl.  Besides, Cooper had congratulated him.  When he told Kurt about it, he had been disconcerted but also jealous that Blaine had met gay guys not long after coming out.  Sam and Artie definitely wouldn’t get it.

****

(Blaine may have glossed over the details with Kurt.  It wasn’t a big deal, really.  Why couldn't he stop thinking about it?)

 

_“It’s cool, the guys are right.  I’m like the luckiest guy in here, so yeah”  Ryder says with sarcastic bravado, high-fiving back to his seat._

  
_Blaine had wanted everything he had done, and his story was totally irrelevant.  He remembers that night and concentrates on staring blankly on a fixed point on the wall, hoping someone else can comfort Ryder._


End file.
